Unwell

Here is the lyrics of the song Unwell by Matchbox20:

All day
Staring at the ceiling
Making friends with shadows on my wall
All night
Hearing voices telling me
That I should get some sleep
Because tomorrow might be good for something
Hold on
I'm feeling like I'm headed for a
Breakdown
I don't know why
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know, right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know, right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be
Me
Talking to myself in public
Dodging glances on the train
I know
I know they've all been talking 'bout me
I can hear them whisper
And it makes me think there must be something wrong
With me
Out of all the hours thinking
Somehow
I've lost my mind
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know, right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be
I been talking in my sleep
Pretty soon they'll come to get me
Yeah, they're taking me away
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know, right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy I'm just a little impaired
I know, right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be
Hey, how I used to be
How I used to be, yeah
Well I'm just a little unwell
How I used to be
How I used to be 

This is what best describes my feelings now, unwell...I was almost hit by a bus while heading for home. I haven't slept the whole night until this morning. I don't understand what I'm feeling now and why I am feeling this. I feel cheated by my boyfriend for so many reasons. I don't consider him as my "one great love", but why do i feel so much hurt for what he did to me?! I feel that he's flirting with another girl (just had a bad dream one night, and now that dream is becoming a reality, I found out something) and he don't admit that and won't admit that ever, that's the first reason. Second, he has converted to Muslim without me knowing (he should have informed me before doing so). He has only told me that unintentionally, we were having a fight that it has slipped out of his mouth. We've talked about that religion thing before he left for Saudi to work there, and he knows very well that I hate the thought of us getting converted to that religion. He said to me that that's the easy way for him to bring me there, but as I have said, we have already talked about that matter beforehand and have agreed not to get converted, and yet he got converted! I told him that I will break up with him the moment he got converted. So what's the sense  of his saying that he only wants to bring me there when he knows that I will break up with him? That's also the reason that strengthens my  gut feeling of his having another girl. The hours we spent online to have a good chat was only consumed by nagging, exchanging of bad words, and hurting each other. I was sad, really sad. I didn't want that to happen. We had a misunderstanding the last time we chat, so I thought that our chat last night will end us making up to each other, but I was wrong. It did make things worst for us. I have found out of so many things this day that he has no intentions of letting me know. If not for my being pakialamera (meddlesome)  and matanong (asking too many whys to him) I will still  be left clueless..  There are still many whys  left in my mind, but the big why in my head is that WHY I AM SO HURT? Why I am hurt if he's not the "one great love"  of mine?  Why I am hurt If I always say to him whenever we have a fight that he's not a big loss to me and that I won't run after him like what I did with my past boyfriends? The pain, it's crumpling me.. WHY?

Michelle

A hit song by The Beatles in the 1960's:

Michelle, ma belle
These are words that go together well
My Michelle

Michelle, ma belle
Sont des mots qui vont tres bien ensemble
tres bien ensemble

I love you, I love you, I love you
that's all I want to say
Until I find a way
I will say the only words I know you'll understand

Michelle, ma belle
Sont des mots qui vont tres bien ensemble
tres bien ensemble

I need to, I need to, I need to
I need to make you see
Oh, what you mean to me
Until I do I'm hoping you will know what I mean
I love you

I want you, I want you, I want you
I think you know by now
I'll get to you some how
Until I do I'm telling you so you'll understand

Michelle, ma belle
Sont des mots qui vont tres bien ensemble
tres bien ensemble
And I will say the only words I know that you'll understand
My Michelle

The song is  featured in the Rubber Soul album of The Beatles released in December 3, 1965. It won the Grammy Award For Song Of The Year in 1967.


The first line is often sang to me by any acquaintance I pass by or meet in the street. That's my name, Michelle. I don't know what is the real meaning of my name in my age of 28 now, until I made a research just this day about my name.

The name Michelle first reached the top 1000 female names in 1938. In, the U.S. it reached its popularity peak between 1968 and 1972. The popularity increase seems to be due by the hit song. Since 1972, the name has steadily declined in popularity to its current 80th place for female newborns.

But what is the real meaning of my name? Michelle,  pronounced as Mu-shell or Mee-shell, is feminine form of Michel (French form of Michael), from the Hebrew word Mikha'el, usually translated as "who is like God?" or "who resembles God?", but accurately translates as "what is God like?" I find the meaning difficult to bear and am ashamed of myself for carrying that name knowing that I am a very sinful person, sinful in many ways. Can't see any resemblance or likeness of God from me. I always try to overcome my iniquities and yet I fail. It's simply hard to be God-like. Plus, having known the meaning of my name made me realize that not only should I be good in all the things I do but also to have my share of making Him and His Good News known to all people!

All of us, bearing the name Michael/Michelle or not, should be God-like or Christ-like, for the Lord wants us to be that. Though it may not be easy, with our faith to the Lord and through our perseverance, we will become God-like, pure and perfect, in His time.